Jealousy is one of the most destructive feelings that often slip into a relationship between a man and a woman. In this article, we will look at the causes of feelings of jealousy and find out how to deal with it.

The effects of jealous feelings have negative consequences on the psychological and physical level. In most cases, the manifestations of jealousy are destructive to the relationship, and the stronger the jealousy, the more difficult it becomes to maintain mutual understanding and love.

What is jealousy, and where does it come from?

In psychology, the concept of jealousy refers to destructive feelings with a negative hue that occur under certain circumstances in human relationships. Jealousy can be felt by a child against a mother, it can manifest itself in the company of friends (when someone receives less attention), etc. But this time, we’ll look at the form of jealousy that arises between a man and a woman, husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend.

Before answering the question about how to get rid of jealousy, you need to understand the reasons for these feelings.

The most common triggers for jealousy are:

• Negative experiences in the past.If a boy or girl faces the betrayal of a loved one, it creates a serious imprint on the vision of the human world. In a future relationship, a person will live internally – consciously or unconsciously – with the expectation of repeated betrayal, as a result of which he will constantly feel fear and jealousy.
• Low self-esteem.In cases of problems with self-esteem, a person feels unsure and vulnerable. Such a person will see a competitor in everyone and devote himself to thoughts of not being worthy of his partner. Such thoughts turn both women and men into pathological jealousy.

• The fear of losing your loved one.This factor, in many respects, is due to low self-esteem but can also be due to frequent divorce experiences in the past. A person is afraid of breaking up with a loved one and, therefore, sees a threat in every attractive person with whom the partner communicates. Even if it is unreasonable jealousy, it is extremely difficult for a person to cope with or suppress it.
• The manifestations of egoism are, to a greater or lesser extent, inherent in every human being. But in some cases, egoism crosses boundaries, and if it happens in a relationship, one of the partners begins to see his private property in the other. The jealous person begins to restrict his other half, forbids meeting with certain people, relaxing in companies without him, etc.

Note! When feeling jealous, people experience many other negative emotions, including anger, fear, uncertainty, envy, sadness, and despair. Each of these emotions only aggravates the situation, exacerbating the impact on the psychological state of a person.

Why is jealousy dangerous in a relationship?

Virtually every conscious person is free from prejudice, and every self-confident person understands that jealousy is destructive. In turn, those exposed to these destructive feelings are, in most cases, unaware of the harm they are inflicting on themselves and their other half by gradually destroying the relationship. They think jealousy is a protective mechanism and is aimed at maintaining relationships, but in reality, the opposite is true.

Speaking of how to get rid of jealousy, it is important not only to understand the reasons behind the arousal of these feelings but also to be aware of what they do to the relationship.

The jealous person. A person prone to feelings of jealousy is constantly in a state of stress. Chronic distrust gradually only increases, turning into paranoia, while stress accumulates, which, as a result, refers to the psychological and physical state of a person. Sooner or later, the boundaries will blur, and the jealousy will make the ultimate mistake, which will put an end to the relationship. The simplest example – in a surge of jealousy to deeply offend the other.

The object of jealousy. The person to whom jealousy is constantly directed lives under pressure, feeling distrust in every step or action and the restriction of his freedom. If jealousy manifests itself openly with constant interrogation and claims, the situation only worsens in a geometric progression. The object of unfounded jealousy suffers from stress, which is reflected in his physical and psychological state. Sooner or later, this vessel overflows, and there is an overwhelming desire to get rid of the destructive relationship.

In other words, feelings of jealousy harm both sides, destabilize and lead to the breakdown of relationships. For this reason, it is very important to work on yourself and look for opportunities to be free from jealousy.

How jealousy manifests itself in a couple

Many do not even realize that they show distrust for their partner and turn into an unbearably jealous partner. Another step to getting rid of jealousy is learning to recognize the manifestation of these feelings.

Vivid examples of jealousy:

• mistrust and negative attitude towards others, including friends, acquaintances, work colleagues, and business partners;
• excessive attachment to a loved one, a tendency to be constantly around, finding reasons for the realization of this tendency;
• open mistrust by asking: “What were you doing today?”, “where were you?”, “Who called you?”, “Why were you late for work?”;
• if you notice signs of jealousy in your behaviour, another reason for this may be a constant feeling of anxiety associated with the relationship (or fear of it);
• extreme signs of jealousy are checking social networks and correspondence and constantly calling during the day with the question: “Where and with whom are you?”.

Note that jealousy can also manifest itself in the form of loud quarrels and outbursts of aggression from the jealous side. With time, attempts to control the other side become more pronounced, there are constant scandals if you were a little late to return home after work or delayed with friends.

Differences in jealousy between men and women

Considering the differences in the psychology of men and women and the peculiarities of behaviour and thinking, one can encounter significant differences in the expression of jealousy in each sex. Thus, the question of how to deal with jealousy can be considered from different angles.

If we talk about male jealousy, the following characteristic features can be found:

• predisposition to aggressive and sharp reactions;
• many men, starting to feel jealous, express a cool attitude towards their women;
• there is a tendency to control your loved one;
• an open expression of anger is possible, from screaming to physical harassment.

As for jealousy in the female, the characteristic features are different:

• predisposition to internal experiences and hidden anxiety;
• women are much less likely to openly show their jealousy by choosing to act in secret;
• dissatisfaction with oneself appears;
• a tendency to dig into oneself and look for imperfections because of which (supposedly) a loved one has begun to cheat.

How to beat jealousy

Given how destructively jealousy affects both partners and the relationship between them, it is very important to get rid of it. It is important not to suppress it because jealousy does not disappear when it is suppressed, but to learn to give up these feelings. To answer how to get rid of jealousy, let's look at several recommendations that focus on different situations.

How to stop being jealous of a man

Jealousy forces a woman to feel constant anxiety and fear. To stop being jealous and destroying her relationship, it is worth following these recommendations:

• Speak calmly and openly with your man. In the conversation, it is important to describe what you feel when certain situations occur. For example, tell your husband about your feelings for him when he is late at work or doesn't report it. Reveal to him your emotions that arise when he flirts with the waiter in the cafe and ask him not to do so.
• Remember, if your husband is with you, he hasn't gone to another woman. He works for the family, and that means he loves you. He respects you as a woman and a spouse; your relationship and family are important to him, and it is enough. Don't lower your dignity, let go of your self-doubt, and look at things objectively. This is the best way to overcome jealousy and distrust towards a man.
• Be realistic – think about whether jealousy has a real basis. You probably know something about your husband's company at work and in the company of your friends. Also, know the priorities, habits, character, and life values of the person you live with under the same roof. Consider with a clear head whether the husband could be unfaithful, and you will soon realize that there is no real reason for jealousy, and maybe you are telling yourself this.

How to stop being jealous of a woman

Many men, aware of their condition or the fact that it threatens the marriage, ask themselves the question: “How do I trust my woman?” Let's review the most relevant recommendations:

• Raising your self-esteem.Most men cannot admit to themselves that their jealousy is driven by low self-esteem. You may not admit it to yourself, but to prevent jealousy, stop comparing yourself to other men and learn to respect and love yourself. It's also worth remembering your strengths and good qualities more often. Believe – your wife knows them and respects them in her husband.
• Work on yourself.Realize yourself where you are strong or find a new occupation that will allow you to grow. It is especially beneficial if the occupation will bring more income or some benefit in any other form. Self-realization in sports is no less important and powerful. Every new peak will give you a chance to self-affirm, and you will not even notice how you have overtaken the feelings of jealousy.

On the question of how to overcome jealousy towards a wife, a man should be aware that a woman is not his private property. You fall in love and marry a person who has her desires and the right to her friends; she can meet with girlfriends, work, and live a full-blooded life. Your wife needs a husband who will support her, not treat her like a property. Remind yourself of this in every jealousy attack, and try to stand up for your loved one.

Aim for mutual respect and understanding

Finally, I would like to remind young as well as mature couples – relationships are built on trust and mutual respect. If you respect your partner and he respects you, there is no room for jealousy.

It is very important to build relationships on solid foundations of mutual trust from the very beginning and not to give reasons to doubt each other. In this case, there are no questions about how to deal with jealousy. But even if the relationship has formed differently, it is possible to build trust later. If necessary, consult a family psychologist (together or individually), as this will allow you to better understand each other and speed up the processes of strengthening relationships.

Author: relationship mentor Zane Ozoliņa